Soul-less.
Gahhh. I haven’t updated in such a long time. MIANHE~!!! <– korean for Sorry. XD.
I’m stuck on the question of who to trust and who not to trust again. >3<… what is wrong with this world?!?!?!
Chaos after chaos after chaos. I’m quite unsure? Truthfully, all I want to say is… I’m slowly getting anemia. I’ve been so OUT of it these days. Like, I would blank out and then stare before finally realizing what I’m doing.
Plus, I think I’m getting a clear case of Swine Flu. T.T… Yup. The level five epidemic. I swear, I went to the Emerson hospital the other day and I felt horrible after that. Well, I slept for 6 hours yesterday because I felt sick like a fever and dizziness. That’s never a good sign. Then I dinner and I puked it up? It was absolutely disgusting. I had like two pills of sleeping pills and Tynelol before falling dead sleep. True, I still feel dizzy and nausia. I blame it on the hospital ! I swear… I was perfectly fine until I went in there. Now I just feel awful. Or maybe I feel awful because I think I have the Swine Flu. Yup. Mentalness can cause sickness too. I’ve experience it before.
Hmm… I’m too worried.
1- My stepdad
I’m ready to beat the crap out of him. D:<… Stupid bigamist. He’s the one who caused my entire family to hate me. My grandma thinks that I’m a bxtch. My mom’s like, “you’re such a spoiled brat. If it wasn’t for you. I would’ve married a rich guy instead of being stuck with this ass.” And my aunt and uncle are just like,”Brat.” Everything’s so screwed up. FUCK THIS.
2- Relay For Life Fundraising
>_<… I have another week and 2 days to raise approximately 120$. WTF… I’m so worried. I mean, I don’t think I can do it, but I need to! I can’t let people die of cancer. Especially when most of my family members had it. Plus, the doctor said that I might have an 75% of getting cancer too! I was like, fxckkk no.
3- School
Okay… seriously! I have too much to do.
My bio project has been moved to monday and I haven’t even started it. Plus it’s a presentation which makes it 998326452345132676475823549725 times worse because I get stage fright alot. And then I still have to study for my Algebra I Honors midyear to get into Algebra II H for next year. My bio test is Friday. My latin test is Tuesday. My geo test is Monday. My wordhistory test is Wednesday. Oh, yeah… and my bio lab practical is on Tuesday too. Next week = hell.
LOL… Well, I just came home from shopping with my mom and I have to admit she’s been scaring the crap out of me. We go to Costco and she wants to buy every little thing she sees. Like a tent … we seriously DON’T NEED one, but she’s like… let’s buy one! And then she takes the kingsize bed and puts it in the cart. I’m like, WTF mom NO. And then she’s just like, we have to upgrade your camera again! XD…. but I just got a new camera on Christmas. There’s something… wrong with her? She just wants to spend as much money as humanely possible. Personally, I think she’s mentally ill and I was ready to take her to the doctors.
Well, there’s more to it. As soon as I walk into Walmart (yup. my mom’s place for garden stuff), I see Hannah Montana and my face scrunches up in horror. Well, not really. I just wanted to puke after I saw her faceeee. FAKERRRR. Yup. I hate Hannah Montana and I’m not afraid to admit it. XD. But there’s people more retarded like her. E.g. SNSD. *pukes*…. the *pukes* *pukes* *pukes* *pukes*…. *nods*… That’s how much I hate them.
Oh yeah, and did I tell you how she pushed me into the sun?!?!?! Doesn’t she know that I’m going to melt?? Yeah. we went to Nara Park and the first thing she does is push me out of the car. I run into the bathroom and she pulls me out and throws me into the sand. I was like, *melts*… LOL. 
She IS making me worry too just not as much as the other three. She’s…. beyond happy these days?!?! So happy, that it’s been scaring the fxck out of me. I think she’s trying to erase her sorrow by making herself SEEM happy, but she’s not really that happy. I mean, I see her being immersed in other things and trying to avoid the subject of “love”.
Okay… so more on my personal life? Well… I don’t know what to do about my love life. LOL… I talked to this guy and he told me just to leave it. Not really, my mind has been pretty fuzzy on the events of these days. Therefore, I’m going to die! Not really, but you know what I mean. LOL. 
It’s been… hectic. I’m not use to a guy liking me back. It’s always me liking them. So personally, I’m not sure what to do in a situation like this even though I am pretty good in relationships and stuff. ;P
What makes me more confused is… my other friend? Sorta. Not really. I probably sound like a whore, but I’ve been making out with him during my free periods. Though I have to admit that I’ve improved in kissing! XD. lmfao. it’s true, I don’t know what I’m doing right now. GAHHH. There’s something wrong with me. Maybe it’s the herbs + vitamins I’ve been having that’s circulating around my body and causing me to make really bad decisions. I’m… annoyed a bit at myself. I mean, I just sit there and watch myself become bxtchierrr and bxtchierrr.
I mean… when I got rejected last week, I told myself I would start over. That’s why I entirely cut my hair. Usually, I would be crying about my precious hair, but it’s not worth it. xD… plus, it’d grow back anyways. Fine, I’m skiddling from the subject here. Idk.
Let’s analyze the situation here…
GOOD PEOPLE VS BAD PEOPLE
Okay….
The good people say:
“Give him a chance.”
The bad people say:
“Tell him to fuckkk off and leave you alone.”
“I’ll send the mafia after him.”
“Play with his heart and then break it.”
“Are you ready to be destroyed again? I’ve seen this shxt happen before. He’s just fxcking with you.”
Aren’t my friends just lovely? I still love them tho. . But I have to admit, they screwed up my head. I’m starting to believe that every person there is on this world is a bad person, and that’s just LIES. Hmm… But I’m a horrible analyzer. lmfao… well, I’m too lazy to continue on. Gahhh. Homework.
<3
minniie aka suicidal_d3vil aka miyoko_love
Gotta Go My Own Way
Personally… I have no idea what I’m writing. The guilt trick is putting effect on me. I feel like the world is crashing down upon ME.
Current feeling: Gotta Go My Own Way
Gabriella:
I gotta say what’s on my mind
Something about us doesn’t seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged
Its so hard to say, but I’ve gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay…
Chorus:
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.
Don’t wanna leave it all behind,
But I get my hopes up and watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to gray
And its just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away.
I’m leaving today cause I’ve gotta do what’s best for me,
You’ll be okay..
Chorus:
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.
Troy:
What about us?
What about everything we’ve been through?
Gabriella:
What about trust?
Troy:
You know I never wanted to hurt you.
Gabriella:
And what about me?
Troy:
What am I supposed to do?
Gabriella:
I gotta leave but I’ll miss you.
Troy:
I’ll miss you.
Gabriella:
So I’ve got to move on and be who I am.
Troy:
Why do you have to go?
Gabriella:
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
Troy:
I’m trying to understand
Gabriella:
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
Troy:
I want you to stay
Gabriella:
I wanna go my own way
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
Troy:
What about us?
Gabriella:
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
Troy:
I’m trying to understand
Gabriella:
We might find our place in this world someday but at least for now,
I’ve gotta go my own way,
I’ve gotta go my own way,
I’ve gotta go my own way…
.
Personally, I’ve never really liked high school musical, but I LOVE this song. It portrays perfectly my emotions. ^^
A Twist In Time. Me.
Hmm… I’ve neglected my wordpress for quite a while and used my livejournal instead. =/… So now, I’m POSTING STUFF AGAIN!! xD. lol.
Well, I have alot on my mind right now. Stupid brain. It takes up all my ATP! lmfao. I love how nerdy that sounded. Hahaha~. True, I’m tired and I’m really annoyed right now, but I’m hoping that one of the trees would crash down on my house and smash it! :333. lollll. Weirdness again.
Maybe my bitchy side has been rubbing off on me. =/. I don’t find myself as nice as I was before and it seems as though I’m EMO. T.T… Seriously, wtf. I woke up today with the weirdest dreams. I’m going to rant about random crap and bore the hell out of you, but I probably owe that much to you. LOL!…
So I was DEAD tired today. Yes, I’m surviving on two hours of sleep, but it’s not that visible because of my thick makeup. xD. I have to admit that it looked nice today. Excuse the fakeness though. COUGHCOUGH. Anyways, I dropped DEAD on the bed and somehow I imagined myself back in China. Like, everything was SO realistic! Like in the last book of Harry Potter…. The silver thing in Dumbledore’s office that allowed you to retrack memories? I forgot what it’s called, but I felt like I was sucked back into China. It was… kinda freaky. I have to admit that I’m a bit disappointed that the dream wasn’t true, but that’s okay.
Hahaha~. Then I had this really crazy dream where the powerpuff girls were evil and they were coming after me. LMFAOOO. It was kinda creepy. Innocent mini 5 year old girls turned into scary monsters coming after me.
Well, that’s the weird thing about me. It’s either I have entirely CRAZY out of CONTROL dreams or dreams that actually come true. And I mean, it’s like… a vision of my future or something. How scaryyyyy.
Yeah… Remember how I told you… up there that I was a doll for the day? I avoided SO MANY frickin’ people. HAHAHAHAHA~… And yes Helen, you’re one of them. ;P. lmfao. Well, it’s seriously scary. I turn high, then depressed, then high again, then pissed. My emotions are so unstable right now. Maybe it’s because there’s too many things going on in my life. I’m guessing that’s it.
PLUS I feel as though I’m getting the STUPID SWINE FLU!!! AHHH!!! I might DIEEEE in a few days! MWHAHAHAHA, but I’ve been thinking. What would happen if I really DID die?
YESSSS. Death. The beauty of death and going to hell. <3
SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?!?! I really AM going crazy. My head is messed up right now and I feel as though I’m going to faint. YES FAINT! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. Okay, no. Hmm… many of you might think that “O.o… is she on crack?”. LMFAO. Nope. I just… normally act like this.
-sighs-… I’m more depressed about the fact that my grandparents are LEAVING!!!! >.<… Even though my grandma HATES me I”m still going to miss them. LOL. They’ve… spoiled me and my mom too much. After they’re gone… -mumbles several curses under breath-. Well, let’s just say that the MAJORITY of the FRICKIN CHORES are MINE!! RAWRR! But the good thing is that they planned a 6 month meal while they’re gone. LOL. All I have to do is follow the menu and cook. Not that hard… right? Hopefully not. I’m just crossing my fingers that I’m not going to burn the house. lmfao.
Actually, to tell you the truth, I have paranoida about cooking. After watching The Little Mermaid, I got scared of cooking. I mean, what if I fall and my HAND lands in the cooking thing!!! >_<… I’m going to DIEEE if that happens! Seriously. I’d be cooking my hand up! And wouldn’t it be painful?!?!?!?! Ugh…
LOL. My mom calls cooking my… punishment. My grandma calls it “getting ready to be the perfect bride.” … Yeah, wtf. T.T… I’ve been thinking that since the day I died. Like seriously. lmfao. Scratch that. I’m trying to unemo myself… it’s working? ;]
Well… not only that. I’ve been Omegling so much that I feel as though I haven’t been paying attention to my friends, which is probably true. And yes, Omegle is a site to talk with strangers. It’s not a porn site or anything. -glares at Helen- -cough- -cough-. LOL. xD. But I guess it kinda helps telling strangers about your problems rather than your friends. Well, actually, I rather tell my friends, but it’s not like the stranger would say anything and THANKFULLY. LOL.
Hahaha. I guess I’m a bit creeped out though at the amount of horny guys who want to have sex on the website. I was like…. -dot- -dot- -dot- … WTF.
Oh, and did I tell you that I’m getting ANOTHER haircut?!?!?!?! Isn’t that just greattt?? LOL. I seriously don’t care about my hair anymore so w/e. ;D… YAYYY me!
Well, the heat is getting to my head. -glares-… It was 96 degrees Fahrenheit today and I was BURNING. Plus my mom forced me to wear sweats and a sweatshirt. I was like, WTF. LOL~… I have this habit of changing on the bus. Like, I would wear sweatpants on the outside, but I would take them off when I get to the bus. DON’T THINK PERVERTED THOUGHTS OR ELSE I’LL BEAT YOU UP, because I have shorts underneath.
The good thing is… I’VE BEEN PERSUADING MY MOM TO GET ME MYYY OWNNN CONDO! <3 . LMFAO. I’m kinda… tired of living with her. No offense to her or anything, but it’d be great to get some peace in the house. Hahahahaa~. Sorry. Another one of my crazy moments again.
Oh… I probably should update you guys on what’s been happening in my house. -taken out of my livejournal because I was too lazy to write it myself again-
“Wow… dramatic. You know how my grandma hates me right? Well, she thinks I’m a lazy bxtch. Ugh ! Not my fault. She does EVERYTHING around the house and when I offer to do a chore, she yells at me. Therefore, I either spend my time writing my stories or chatting with my friends.
This is ONE thing that asian parents DON’T understand. I want a social life! No… I have a social life. I’m not like one of those bxtch ass losers who sit around doing homework all day. No… that’s NOT me That’s one thing they DON’T understand! Seriously. I’m just pretty glad that they’re leaving.
Anyways… that’s not the reason why I’m on here. It’s because of my frickin’ family. Is the bad with romance thing genetic? Cuz it sure seems like it. Why do I say that?
Well… Let’s see. My STEPDAD is a BIGAMIST maybe?!?!?!?! Ugh. He’s married to my mom and he’s NOT divorced to his ex-wife or use to be wife yet. What is WITH his brain?!?!?! AHHH~… I seriously want to go up to him and give him a nice pretty black eye. *sighs*… it’s because I BROKE his nose last time he tried to HARASS me that my mom decided to NOT send me to karate camp anymore. I know I said that… ugh. w/e. There’s loads of more important things in life.”
Yup. That’s basically what’s happening in the stupid… #()^@)*%&!@_&)%*@.
Well, signing out!!! ~suicidal_d3vil
Depressed
WHY IS IT… why is it that I’ve been abused my entire life? I’ve always feel as though I”m my mom’s anger release toy. If she comes home with a bad mood, the slightest things tick her out. Like seriously! It pisses me off that if I do ONE THING wrong whether it’s on purpose or by accident, I’ll always end up with an injury. For example, today. I accidentally tripped and slammed the door. She walked into my room and slapped me nice and hard on the cheek. Well, that would make a nice trophy on my face wouldn’t it? It’d be just great if I went to school with a huge swollen red cheek. Of course everyone won’t think anything happened to me. I come to school everyday with some sort of injury don’t I? *sarcasm*
Just because things are not working in our family doesn’t mean that she would release her anger out on ME. I’m not some kind of punching bag she can abuse whenever she wants. I’m a human being. NOT a toy!
I’m just… angry. More like aggravated. All these years, I’ve always been the one getting hurt when she’s in a bad mood. Seriously, punch the wall or something! Just not me. I swear to god, one day my anger will suddenly release and I’ll fight back. But it’s because I love my mom that I’m allowing her to… hurt me I guess. I know that she feels upset and betrayed, but why me?!?!?! I have to blame it on my stepdad. It’s his fault that my family turned out like this. It’s his fault that my grandparents hate me and want to rebel against me. I just feel that we aren’t family anymore. I don’t HAVE a family anymore. I’ve always been an orphan… always… alone. I mean, I love my mom, but I really think that she needs to stop letting her anger out on me.
And then she blames me for being stupid. Whatever. So be it. I can bxtch my life off for all I care.
Why I’m really tearing isn’t her inflicting damage upon me, but her harsh words. Hurting me is one thing, but what seriously breaks my heart is how shallow she thinks I am. I’m her DAUGHTER for god’s sake. Her exact words: “It’s not like I care about you anymore. I’ll just move wherever my company goes. You can go to a shitty school and be a peice of shit. I don’t care anymore. I’m disowning you. ” It really breaks my heart. You know … Whatever. Maybe she’s write. I should go rot in a hole. My existence probably means NOTHING to her. I can leave for eternity and I fucking swear that she won’t even notice. It’s not my fault that I’m not smart!!
It’s not my fault either if I can’t be her “perfect” daughter. NOBODY is perfect. Why doesn’t she understand that I LIKE being Jenny?!?!? I like being myself. I can’t be like her. I’m not her clone. I’m really not. I live, talk, and I have my OWN personality.
I mean, I finally found my real identity. As cheesy as it sound. Now that I look at myself… I want to break the mirror of myself. IT’S DISGUSTING. IT’S FRIGHTENING. I feel like I’m drowning in a life of lies.
Maybe I am mourning, but three words are circling around my head right now.
I disgust myself.
And that’s the truth. There’s nothing more scary than the monster that roams around me, my sol, but I have to face reality. I can burn up pictures of myself, crush my mirror, and do anything so that I can’t see my image, but the truth and the reality is always there.
I’ve been thinking. It’s time to face my inner demon and destroy her before I turn crazy. I was too cowardly before, but I’m not now. I rather create a new Jenny. A more innocent and sweeter one. One that I can actually face. One that I’m not disgusted with. One that is not created through lies. One that I can not be afraid of.
An Evil Grandma, A Worried Person
Have you noticed that I always write on this account when I’m pissed or disappointed? Yeah.
Hahaha~. I am in LOADS of trouble b/c I’ve hid my report card from my mom for an ENTIRE 2 weeks and now I have to show it to her. =/. I’m scared… really scared actually. I mean, what if she throws me out of the house?!?!?!?! Okay, I’m exaggerating. She’s my mom and I’m pretty sure that she won’t do that, but I still have this uneasiness in my chest. It’s not… that great.
Ugh… My family life isn’t going that great either. My grandma hates me. She thinks that I’m a first classed spoil brat, but I’m NOT! I’m really not. I’m SO SICK of her thinking that I’m a bad person. Seriously, my family life is like a drama. My grandma depises my stepdad and will do ANYTHING to tear them apart. Like seriously! I’m just like, why do you have to tear perfect couples apart?!?!?! I mean, I like my stepdad. He actually treats me like a REAL PERSON unlike my mom’s other boyfriends. AND he buys stuff for me. :333. LOL… I’m just glad that she’s going home soon. * cough * going back to China * cough *. At least I’ll have a peaceful summer without her yelling at me 24/7. I woke up pretty early this morning and she was talking about shit behind my back as well as my mom’s and my stepdad’s. I was like, WTF. X.x
Well, a mix of emotions are flowing through my head. I’m kinda scared because my eye sight is getting worse and worse. I’ve been doing nothing but sitting in front of the computer the entire week doing nothing, but crap or omegling. It’s actually pretty fun, but I’ve been getting constant headaches. I’m seriously afraid so I’ve been trying to avoid the computer. Not good. Not good at all.
Anyways, I GOT a Visa card! I can actually use my bank card unlike my last one. ;]… I’m SO happy!! YAY me! Time to shop!… Oh, and did I tell you that I was getting a JOB? ;P… I kno. Be jealous. Heehee…
Oh Canadaa~!!
Well, guys I’m back! Yeah, I missed you. DD. Canada… was fun-ish. Right… did i mention that for 4 entire days that I was going to Canada? lmfao. I probably didn’t and I’m ranting right now.
Anyways, overview of my trippp. <3
Day O.N.E
I poured water on a cup that had it’s butt facing me. T.T… The frickin’ water spilled everywhere and I was like, GAHH!!! *screams head off*
We went to the oldest peasant village and we had super sweet maple butter with bread. I have to admit that the village scares me a bit. I mean, they pee in frickin’ buckets and they drink from wells. I was like, WTFWTFWTF~. No offense to them or anything. And the house was SMALLER than me. I was like, 0_0…
We also visited the old copper museum. The person who was telling us about this museum had a heavy French accent… and I wasn’t really able to understand what she was trying to say, but it was absolutely ahmazing. I mean, copper is stretched, not like built inside. I was able to make my own artifact. I made a copper kitty except… I engraved my name on the wrong side. *growls*… I turned it over and my name was written on backwards. I was like, AHHH!!!!
Well, we ended the day by going to this super nice resturant where this Irish man played Irish music. We dance around while eating. The food was great and I swear, I got fatter. Not only was the food yummy, but the hot waiter. They were SO HOT. *drools*… and yummy too. ;]
It was quite fun. We made maple taffy as our dessert. My sugar level was super high after having 3 sticks of maple syrup? Yup. You can say that I’m sick of it because everything I ate in Canada contained it.
We met another HOTTT HOTTT HOTTT Canadian employer. I asked for a stick and he didn’t understand until I told him several times. *drools*… HE. IS. SO. FRICKIN. HOT. tho. ( :FFF <– my drool face)
I have a new goal in life. I want to go to school in Canada because then I can be with the hot Canadian guys. DD Why are Canadian guys SOOO much hotter than American guys?!?!?! >.<… I was basically drooling over them with all of the other freshmen girls. I went up to one of them and then took several stalker pix before running away. DD. *squeal*… He is SO freakishly hot. WTF. All I want to do is bring them home as a sovenier. Do you think my mom would notice if I brought a real live teenaged boy home? Yeah, don’t think dirty thoughts tho. *punch*
Day T.W.O
We went to the ahmazing basilica in Quebec and sang in there. I have to admit that it was absolutely beautiful. Ontop of the basilica was an extremely large dragon head with 6 legs. I was like, “What if it falls on me?!?!?! >.<”… LOL. But it was breath-taking.
We were given extra time after the tour of Quebec city. I have to admit that there’s not much in Quebec. It was pretty boring…. Anyways, I started being super sketchy again, taking many pictures of the hot Canadian guys. Once again, I started drooling over them.
Okay, this really pisses me off because why are the frickin’ FOODS in Quebec SO friggin’ EXPENSIVE?!?!?!?!… Like, wtf. I was like… GAHHH~. Something we can buy for a dollar here is like 3 dollars there. I was like, O.O… WTFWTF.
Later, we were given shopping time in Old Quebec city. It was pretty boring tho. -_-’… Everything there was overpriced, so I have to admit that the hot guys were pretty drool worthy. I spent the entire time drooling over them. :333
Scarily, there was a gold man on the streets. He was hilarious tho. I was like, cracking up because he moved everytime someone threw a coin in the bucket.
We visited the beautiful Notre Dame. It was grand and gorgeous. Larger than most of the churches. ON top of the church was a statue of Mary holding baby Jesus. :333. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m Christian and therefore, I believe in god and everything. We sang one song, Ensurientes, in the church. The hollow hall allowed the sound to echo back.
Before it was time to go, I WAS able to get a picture with my friend on this trip. The girl on the right is ME. DD. I was pretty sad when we left, but I’ve officially decided that when I grow up and make a few billion dollars like Bill Gates, I’m going to make my house like this church. :333. Stupid, but me like. <3
Day T.H.R.E.E.
We shopped in the beautiful center of Montreal after checking out of the hotel and leaving Montreal. Did I mention how great the food was there? OMG~… I swear, I grew FAT these days. T.T… I’m kinda afraid to weigh myself.
Tho the time was short, I was still able to buy loads of pretty articles of clothing! LMFAO. I love how it sounds… perverted-ish. -_-’… I’ve been watching too many dramas, therefore “pretty articles of clothing” –> lingeria. Except, I bought shirts instead. =_=”… Don’t get me wrong, kays? lmfao.
We went to the art museum to see the artwork of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Apparently, they were people from the Beetles. At least John Lennon was. T.T… There were loads of disturbing and perverted pictures John Lennon drew. *cough* *cough* *cough*. Well, he specialized in drawing sex scenes which made everything pretty… awkward? Yeah. It was…. uber pervy and made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I was like, O.o. WTF.
However, they did leave a place for people to write their notes onto trees. My message was, “Amor Vincit Omnia.” or Love Conquers All. 
Later we sang in another cathedral. The picture is below. It had the head of an octopus.
We sang under the huge organ. The sound was loads softer than I thought, but enough to scare the crap out of me whenever the organ player played it. Then, we had a bowling party. It was fun because it was cosmo bowling! The UV lights made me glow! lmfao. And then, I created a pathetic bowling score of 23. YAY ME!
*cheers*… Haahaaahaa… It was sick fun…. except for our SKETCHY hotel.
Did I mention how sketchy our hotel was? There was blood on the hairdryer, bullets in the ceiling, and a broken toilet. I swear, it was like a crime scene. I was like, WTFWTFWTF~!!! >_< HIV alert? o_e…
L.A.S.T day
We went on a tour in Montreal. The Notre Dame Basilica was quite stunning. We went around the entire city in less than two hours. I can’t tell you how boring it was tho. I nearly fell asleep when the tour guide was talking. I was basically like, STFU! She wasted, apparently, 30 minutes of shopping time for us and we only had 2 hours. I was quite pissed.
After the tour, we went shopping in the underground mall in Montreal. It was more complicated than I thought. I spent like 200$ in total or something on this trip? I didn’t spend my usual 500$ only because we didn’t have enough time. I *LOVED* the underground mall tho. It was awesome and beautiful, but sadly we had to depart for home.
Not that I don’t like home. To tell you the truth, I missed my comfortable bed. I was quite annoyed by the creepiness of the hotel.
The trip home was fun… except this really perverted movie. Like, WTF. T.T… The old man was checking out how big this baby boy’s *ahem* is. And then the girl was watching extreme vaginal delivery. Like wtf. I was like, *faint*… Anyways, I’m super happy to be home. Traveling isn’t as fun as I thought. T.T
Well, that’s all for today!
Adios !
A Rage of Emotions
My emotions are quite unstable right now. I’m just… crying, I guess. I’m unsure of who to trust and who not to trust right now. I’m just… hurt. I mean, who do I trust and who DON’T I trust?!?!?! … All I want to do is curl up on my bed and just… weep. You know what I mean? Just like… let my emotions pour through me. I’ve been holding in my tears for quite some time now. I just feel as though I’m about to break.
Well, I guess that’s not what’s really bothering me. I more bothered by the fact that men are so… UGH! *twists my arm*… I mean, they’re so believable. They believe EVERYTHING one says as long as they kiss up to someone. Are they seriously THAT shallow?!?!?!?!
Okay, so maybe it’s my fault. Everything revolved around me the past couple of days. Maybe I haven’t paid attention to anyone or anything that was happening around me. It’s my fault. I blame it on myself. I’m a bitch and I’m not afraid to admit it.
So maybe I am going crazy. I’ve officially believed it myself. I’m a mentally unstable person who is bursting with emotions. I mean, I’m just… sad. There’s no reason so describe it. It just feels as though everyone’s deserting me. I feel alone. Like… there’s no one there for me…
I have this habit of avoiding. I don’t remember! NOOO! I don’t care. I’m officially going crazy. I wish there was someone I can actually trust. Well, I’m going to avoid. Avoid forever.
It’s crazy. Everything’s a mask. I put on a fake image for everyone. I guess it’s kinda difficult. I mean, I can hide my feelings almost perfectly. Those who know the real me is rare. I’m afraid though, but I’m tired now. I’m going to cry myself to sleep.
Let The FUN Begin. ;]
My current mood: A-N-N-O-Y-E-D and M-W-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A
Yes… I’m kinda pissed off cuz my friend’s crush thinks that the stalker is me. WTFWTFWTF~!!! Okay, so I did stalk him, but then I stopped. T.T… Ugh. It’s a rumor going too far, but w/e. I think that it’s better if he thinks that it’s me then find out who she is. I’m not the type to betray best friends and tell their crush who they are. And yes, I told a little white lie. Heehee…. That’s not really good tho. Oh well, I’ll go to church on Sunday and then pray to god and hope that he erase my sin.
Anyways, I’ve figured out a game plan. Why am I doing this? Well, it’s because it’s amusing. And yes, I’m doing this out of pure amuzement. xD. The evidence is already in my advantage meaning that I can use that to figure out something.
Wow… Why is it that only three people have noticed big gaps between the evidence of her and the evidence of me? =.=’… These people are so oblivious, but that’s a good thing. I can probably (and hopefully) get him to think that it’s me. It’d actually work pretty well… I mean, I’m creepy anyways, so w/e, but it’s not like I’d like him. That’d be freaky! But this is going to be fun. I’m already creepy… what will happen if I got creepier? xD… Besides, I like someone so… no worries. .
Yeah… I’m not a good person, but I’m loyal to my biffles. Plus, my FAVORITE game is to mess with the mind. ;D… It’s going to be amuzzzzing watching his head run in circles. Well, why end the fun?? I already sent messages to everyone I kno to tell him that I’m his stalker if he asks. xDDD. AWESOME-NESS! ^o^
Well, all I can say is… let the game begin. MWHAHAHAHAHA~. It’d just… creep me out if he asked me whether I like him. I’d be like… WTF?!?!?!
LMFAO~… I’m NOT a nice person, am I? Hmm… I need to perfect my niceness image. xD… Well, time to plan!
Depressed
Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. I hate this. Damn ! … Not even my birthday is going right. I wish I can kill myself. I wish I could do so. It wouldn’t be that bad if I stuck a knife into my chest and pronounced myself dead, right? Why don’t people understand that I’m NOT smart?!?!?! I’m never going to be smart in my life. I’m guessing my mom killed my brain cells every time she punched my head when I was a kid. Since when was I EVER a happy child?!?!?! No… Let me tell you… I was never a happy kid. Even my birthday is going pretty bad. Would it work if I killed myself? :[[[. She promised me. SHE PROMISED ME. I hate my life. I hate it. UGH ! Maybe death is a better choice. Hmm… I was talking with this girl on emoearth.com and she told me that she carved things into her skin when she was upset. :333. MAYBE I should try it ! <3
LMFAO. I like the fact that I’m able to kill myself. When I was curling up in the frickin’ closet crying, I was thinking… Maybe death is a pretty good choice. :333. I like the pits of hell. They’re so comfy and cozy and the perfect spot for a devil to live in. I do wonder what will happen if I overdose on any drug. Hmm… a great and fateful ending. <3
Okay, so I’m not making much sense. D: … I’m not feeling myself today. I had this absurd dream where the death angel took me. I was standing in front of the gates of hell and Satan forced me to choose between staying on Earth or going to hell. I chose hell and then I haunted all the people I've ever liked. ;]]… It was… sweet. <3… I smelt the blood and killed people.
I feel pretty guilty right now. It’s GOOD FRIDAY and I didn’t go to church. :’[[[... It was so sadd. And I like going to church. It's kinda weird, but I seriously do like going to church.
Well, today was a pretty bad day. My birthday is tomorrow! Yay me! <3... But... I'm getting a job. I'm not quite happy about that...
*yawns*... Well, I'm tired. Signing out. ;]
XOXO,
minniie
